Potty party

This is going to be quick and dirty. Quick because the house is dirty, a growing pile of laundry is dirty, I'm dirty and the kids, though not currently dirty, will probably be dirty soon.

When I was in high school, Mrs. Mau, my college counselor, said to me, "Oh, Heather, you're so scatological." I said, "Uh..." My best friend Michele jumped in and asked, "Doesn't scatological mean 'having to do with feces'? " My counselor replied, "Oh, does it? I meant that she's scatterbrained. Isn't that what it means?" Michele was right, but let me tell you, Mrs. Mau was on to something. Nothing makes you more scatterbrained than having scat on the brain. And I do.

My two girls and their bodily functions are keeping me, the tub faucet and the washing machine running. Laurel is skilled at launching her production before I've positioned a clean diaper. I'm now doing diaper speed drills several times a day. And Meggie is potty training. Talk about fun. Take an active toddler who likes to run away and climb and jump off of furniture, and you've got a good time. Add to it the possibility that she might explode any minute like a urinary time bomb, and you've got yourself a party. Of course, Alan wasn't enjoying it very much when he called me Thursday night and left the following message on the cell phone: "Not two minutes after you left the house ... she went ... all over the kitchen floor. It's like ... it's like a lake." I have to admit that I laughed out loud and took another sip of my overpriced Starbucks tea. Tea: $2.00. A cleanup job you won't be doing because you're fabulous husband sent you to Startbucks: priceless.

This morning the little girls double-teamed me. First Laurel had an accident in and outside her diaper, necessitating an unscheduled bath. I accomplished the bath and took her to my bedroom to diaper and dress her. But while I was doing this, Meggie started to play with the leftover bath water, demostrating a lesson every child learns at elementary school slumber parties: When you put your hands in warm water, it creates the urge to evacuate your bladder. Apparently it's especially true for potty-training toddlers. When I finished changing Laurel, I discovered a large puddle on the bathroom floor and Meggie wet from head to toe. The top half was bath water. The bottom half ... wasn't. I asked her, "Did you pee in your pants, Meggie?" She chirped, "Yup yup! I did!"

This is the theme of our lives. Even Alan, at work, is dirty today. We got buffeted by high winds yesterday and lacked electricity for much of last night and this morning. And when you have a well pump, no power means no water. So he went to work hoping to get a shower at the gym on the Air Force base on the way to the office. Problem is, it's Columbus Day, and the gym was still closed.

And now ... the moment the grandparents have been waiting for (and the reason you even bothered to skim this entry): picture time.

A cupcake, promised as a reward for a week of good potty behavior.

Laurel

Better picture of Laurel's eyes. They're still blue. These may not turn brown...

Alan and Meggie getting in some yard work before last Saturday's Alabama game.

Too much football.